Mai Lin: "no rice" does not compute

Hong Kong -- Chaos and disorder gripped a typically efficiently-run Chinese fast food restaurant in Hong Kong's bustling Causeway Bay area Friday after a man asked for "no rice" with his Kung Pao chicken.

43-year-old British tourist Peter Johnston, who is on a strict "low carb" Atkins diet, made the unusual request while ordering a quick lunch at the Empire Bowl. The restaurant's well-known rapid-fire order and fulfillment system effectively ground to a halt after server Mai Lin, 57, was unable to make sense of Johnston's instruction.

"All I ever wanted was a meal with no rice on it, and the lady just stood there like a deer in the headlights, unable to process the information," said Johnston. "It was most bizarre, really."

The impasse at the ordering line lasted nearly five minutes before restaurant manager Xiaogong Han intervened and relieved Lin of her duty, quelling a mounting unrest among regular patrons waiting to be served.

"Mai has been working at the Empire Bowl for nearly 15 years and not once during that time did anyone ask her to hold the rice," an apologetic Han told patrons. "Please forgive her. She is very routine-oriented. The rice always has to go somewhere, in her mind. She is set in her rice-serving ways."

As a gesture of good will, Han gave away free spring rolls to everyone waiting in line and promised to train Lin to be better at adapting to changing circumstances.

"She is one of our best employees, the only one in fact who could assemble a meal in less than 3 seconds," said Han. "I'm not going to give up on her."

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Lady Gaga: proud to eat at Hooters

Los Angeles, CA -- The first ever all-tranny Hooters restaurant was launched in high style Wednesday with the appearance of special guest Lady Gaga, who came dressed as an expired Rice Krispie snack.

The "Poker Face" singer said she was thrilled to be at the exclusive launch party attended by members of West Hollywood's elite drag community and their friends. "This is a long time coming. Now, for the first time in my adult life, I am proud to step into a Hooters restaurant," she gushed.

Hooters President & CEO Coby G. Brooks said plans for a franchise that exclusively employs transvestites and transsexuals as its waiting staff have been on the drawing table as early as 1999, but "the Bush-Cheney years got in the way."

"Now, with the mainstream popularity of individuals like Lady Gaga and shows like RuPaul's Drag Race, this is definitely an idea whose time has come," said Brooks, who gave Lady Gaga an unprecedented, non-expiring "all you can eat" pass to the newly-opened restaurant.

As with regular Hooters restaurants, the waitresses at the "all-tranny" franchise will be wearing the distinctive uniform of a white tank top with the "Hootie the Owl" logo and the location name on the front paired with the famously short orange runner's shorts.

Brooks encourages patrons to be as frisky as they want with the tranny waitresses, as long as they don't reach into their shorts. "Our trannies work hard and are focused on their jobs. The last thing they want is for their tucks to come undone on a busy night while serving chicken wings and beer," he said.

First-time patron Roland Majors, 34, said he didn't know what to expect at first, but was genuinely surprised by the experience he'd had getting served by 23-year-old tranny Shanice LeGreece.

"Until tonight, I'd never seen a tranny up close before. They're such fun creatures!" Majors said. "I'm definitely coming back."

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You know you want to.

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Hell no. :S

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