living
Soccer mom acquires ‘hip’ music taste stalking cool kids on MySpace
Winthrop, MA — One year ago, Sally Waddington had no idea who My Chemical Romance, Dashboard Confessional, and Fall Out Boy were and what kind of music they played. Now, the 52-year-old mother of three is well-versed on nearly every post-Green Day pop/punk band in existence. She even knows Gerard Way’s current hair color, how many tattoos Chris Carrabba has, and who Pete Wentz is dating.
Gay construction worker thought straight friend was interested in him
Miami, FL — A homosexual construction worker is re-examining his approach to friendship with straight men after “getting his heart broke” by a man he thought was interested in him but was actually just using him to get close to a female friend of his.
New mom shocked at baby’s poop
Spotsylvania, VA — On the outside, Sophie looks just like any normal healthy baby: chubby cheeks, big doe eyes and plump doll arms. Inside, though, the tiny tot packs a big stinking secret: she is one mean poop-making machine.
Blonde leads blind man across busy thoroughfare
Chicago, ILLINOIS — Buxom blonde Cherry Putnam is feeling good after having helped a blind old man cross the street yesterday at the height of Black Friday shopping madness.
Frigid woman aroused by Ted Nugent’s crotch
A woman who has been suffering from inhibited sexual desire for three decades was sexually aroused after chancing upon Ted Nugent’s “Super Hits” compilation CD in a Wal-Mart bargain bin.
Unpopular teen takes down website, cancels Facebook account
Wichita, KANSAS - Local highschooler Derek Kelsey unceremoniously removed his fledgling website from the Internet and cancelled his Facebook account today.
Gay blogger exposed as Barbara Bush
Ernie Hsiung, the quick-witted gay author and publisher of the popular website littleyellowdifferent.com, is actually former U.S. First Lady Barbara Bush.
Elevator sliders blamed in self-esteem dip
There’s a new threat to your self-esteem, and it could be standing right next to you in the elevator.
10 things you could do with that unwanted Clay Aiken CD you got for Christmas
So, the dusts of Christmas have finally settled. You’ve returned/exchanged all the unwanted presents you possibly can except for one last thing: a Clay Aiken CD.
Goth for dummies
So, if you’re genuinely interested in finding out what it feels like for a goth, the best way is to be goth yourself. It’s easy! All you need is a genuine sense of wonder, open-mindedness, creativity and an appreciation of the duality of existence. And, to help you get started, I’ve come up with seven important tips on becoming a fierce goth.
