living

New mom shocked at baby’s poop

By Sunny Ho ⋅ February 11, 2008 ⋅  Email this article ⋅  Print this article ⋅ Post a comment

My child is a poop monster!

Spotsylvania, VA — On the outside, Sophie looks just like any normal healthy baby: chubby cheeks, big doe eyes and plump doll arms. Inside, though, the tiny tot packs a big stinking secret: she is one mean poop-making machine.

“I was flabbergasted after seeing her first bowel movement,” says her first-time mother Belinda Kelly. “It was like 10 double quarter pounders with cheese. It’s unreal, the amount of poop she generates.”

Belinda and her husband Harry thought they had prepared themselves adequately for the challenges and rigors of first-time parenthood by reading self-help books and attending various support group meetings, but “this has totally caught us off-guard.”

“One time at a dinner party, her diaper broke open because there was just too much poop,” says Harry. “My wife and I were so embarassed that we had to leave.”

Worried that there might be something wrong with their daughter, the couple had Sophie looked at by three infantile excretory specialists.

“They all found nothing wrong with her,” says Harry. “And I believe them. It’s just my wife who’s worrying too much.”

Belinda said she is getting used to her daughter’s fulsome feces, which she insists she inherited from her father, but admits she gets worked up about it every now and then.

“I just can’t believe how something so little could make so much crap,” says Belinda. “I certainly hope this doesn’t hinder her chances at making her high school cheerleading squad.”