archive for November, 2007
Car salesman makes 100th mountain out of molehill
Paducah, KENTUCKY — Automotive vehicle salesman Desmond Market became the toast of his peers today after making his one hundredth mountain out of a molehill.
Blonde leads blind man across busy thoroughfare
Chicago, ILLINOIS — Buxom blonde Cherry Putnam is feeling good after having helped a blind old man cross the street yesterday at the height of Black Friday shopping madness.
Anglophile marks Queen’s wedding anniversary with fake British accent, Union Jack tanktop
Jakarta, INDONESIA — Avid Anglophile and local tinsmith Dian Alatas Wulandari proudly marked the diamond wedding anniversary of reigning British monarch Queen Elizabeth II by affecting a British accent and wearing a Union Jack tanktop to work today.
Clarkson teams with Larry The Cable Guy, IHOP for summer tour
Just days after announcing a joint tour with Reba McEntire in early 2008, Kelly Clarkson has revealed that she will also hit the road next summer on a “one of a kind” co-headlining tour with popular “redneck” comedian Larry The Cable Guy.
Frigid woman aroused by Ted Nugent’s crotch
A woman who has been suffering from inhibited sexual desire for three decades was sexually aroused after chancing upon Ted Nugent’s “Super Hits” compilation CD in a Wal-Mart bargain bin.
Maya Angelou rejects teen’s ‘fat skater boy’ poem
Sayreville, NEW JERSEY — A 14-year-old male teenager and aspiring poet accused Maya Angelou of being “elitist” after the Pulitzer-nominated author and contemporary American literature icon rejected his poetry submission.
Spears fan puts voodoo curses on Don Henley, Eagles
A die-hard Britney Spears fan has placed voodoo curses on Don Henley and the Eagles after the group blocked the troubled pop singer from scoring a No. 1 debut on the Billboard 200 album chart this week.
Unpopular teen takes down website, cancels Facebook account
Wichita, KANSAS - Local highschooler Derek Kelsey unceremoniously removed his fledgling website from the Internet and cancelled his Facebook account today.
